They say time heals all wounds. But some scars never fade.
I woke up today with plans of remembrance. In fact that was the only thing on my agenda:to take time out of my life to stop what I’m doing, to stop whatever insignificant thing might be going on to remember what happened on what started out as a beautiful September morning.
I was up this morning to watch the ceremonies from Ground Zero and the dedication of the Memorial Plaza; the reveal of two stunning infinity waterfalls that are the same size and shape and sit in the exact spot of the Twin Towers. The reading of the names, the faces of children who were barely old enough to know their parent who had perished. To see people embrace each other, share stories, tears and the strength of a tragic common bond.
Ten years has gone by, we all know what happened. What you might not know is that it still feels like yesterday. I spent most of the day watching special after special right down to MSNBC replaying that morning’s broadcast, reliving every second of it. Realizing that it still hurts, a lot. There’s sadness, sympathy, empathy. But after 10 years, my anger has subsided a little.
I’m sure we all know exactly where we were and what we were doing on that day, at that moment we found out that America was under attack. That the two biggest symbols of America, in America’s most famous city were brought down. Hours upon hours of uncertainty on so many levels. I remember where I was, I remember as well, 40 straight hours in front of a television; unable to turn away, unable to sleep for fear of missing something. A survivor being pulled out of The Pile, a glimmer of anything to bring some hope out of the darkest day in our history.
I like so many, took the whole ordeal very hard. I knew our world would never be the same. Nothing about our lives will ever be the same. It makes me think of my grandparents, even my parents and stories growing up about “all the things they’ve seen”. I’m 39 and I realize in my short life, I’ve seen some pretty serious shit too, especially now.
I have a connection to NYC that is difficult to explain. I have many friends that live there (all are ok) but the City itself is special to me for reasons I don’t necessarily know. As corny as it sounds it’s almost as if I lived a previous life there. I have been to the city prior to 9/11 and again in January of 2003 witnessing the crater that had been left behind. Seeing a temporary memorial of nearly 3000 names along with a chronological pictorial attached to a giant iron fence that surround the entire WTC plaza.
One of the ways I deal with tragedy in my life is to capture it on my skin. I have many tattoos on my body, all of them mean something and several of those have been placed as a memorial of sorts, including a large piece on my left thigh. It depicts God’s hands coming thru the clouds, holding the American flag and the Twin Towers poking up thru the clouds behind His hands, a yellow 9/11 ribbon wraps around the front. I had it done in November 2011 and it was my way of dealing. I look at it every day and remember. I also look at my living room wall that is covered with various photographs and posters of what NYC USED to look like, my subway map, and subway tokens. A statue that I purchased in a shop inside a NYC subway store in 2003 that depicts the three fire fighters that raised an American flag amongst the rubble of Ground Zero. I remember EVERY day.
If I remember every day, how can I not stop once a year and remember? I DO stop. Every year. Today is no exception starting at 7 o’clock this morning.
I posted on Facebook like many others today. My first post around 8am was simply “Never forget”. A short time later I saw a post I had to borrow:
“Times of impact: 8:46 a.m. and 9:02 a.m.
Time the burning towers stood: 56 minutes and 102 minutes.
Time they took to fall: 12 seconds.
2819 dead from 115 different nations. 343 Fireman, 37 Port Authority Officers, 23 NYPD, and 9 EMT/Paramedics.
**** REPOST IF YOU WILL NEVER FORGET 9/11…In memory of those who lost their lives ****~*~* We will Forever Remember”
I continued to watch the television, occasionally getting up on a commercial or something to dust, vacuum start laundry; anything to keep busy. But found myself continually drawn back to the TV. I had plans for this afternoon to head to the Broadlawns; the “county hospital” where those, like me, that don’t have a lot of money or insurance go for medical care. Well, my plan today was to help out the kids. I wanted to pay it forward in some way. I bought a ton of crayons, markers and the like with the “I WILL” campaign in mind. I don’t have a lot of money but I wanted to do something positive, something for someone else.
Before making the trek to the hospital while still watching coverage I check in to Facebook and quickly felt my anger rise.
I started seeing posts that were negative; they were apathetic, and just downright mean. People saying they were tired of hearing about 9/11, tired of the coverage, tired of the posts, tire d of the talk, going so far as to make what appeared to be more or less ANTI 9/11 remarks. Dare I say almost hateful? Some of it as simple as why are we still doing this? Why are we still stopping to remember each year?
Do we not stop and remember Dr. King each January? Do we not stop and remember all of our fallen service personnel every May on Memorial Day? Do we not stop and remember what our Nation’s flag means to us every June? Do we not stop and remember our country’s freedom every July? Do we not stop and remember all our veterans every November? Do we not stop every December 7th and remember Pearl Harbor and in turn the Holocaust? So why in the hell should we not stop and remember once a year, and particularly today the tenth year since life as we know it changed forever?
Do you think any of the fire fighters, police officers, EMTS, Port Authority, family members of those lost ever forget? Do you think there’s a day that goes by they don’t look up to that NYC skyline and get reminded? Do you think that they close their eyes at night and don’t see flames, debris and bodies falling from the sky? Do you think those that are now getting sick and getting cancer from the time they spent in that hell forget? Do you think the widows and widowers of those that have died from those illnesses forget?
For those that are “Sick of hearing about it” maybe you need to stop and remember just how selfish you are being. Of those nearly 3000 that died, 343 Fireman, 37 Port Authority Officers, 23 NYPD, and 9 EMT/Paramedics didn’t think twice about their own lives. They ran in while others were trying to get out. There were countless others; firefighters, iron workers, construction workers, volunteers who spent hours digging thru The Pile trying to not only find survivors but countless months after on the recovery and clean up mission.
And now 10 years later, while we should still be remembering, are getting sick and many dying because of their selfless acts.
So perhaps you should put your self righteous bullshit aside. Ironic thing is some of these remarks are coming from people who are also vocally protesting the fact that we still have soldiers over in Iraq and Afghanistan trying to keep terrorism from coming back to our soil again. Did you know that some of those vets are at Ground Zero right now helping to rebuild???
Like it or not, 9/11 happened. Like it or not, our world has changed forever. If we don’t’ stop and remember what happened, if we don’t stop and remember the sacrifices what kind of human beings do we become? How selfish do we become by refusing to pay our respects? It is important to remember not only to honor those we lost but to learn and keep it from ever happening again. Remembering is part of recovery. Recovery is part of healing.
I get asked quite often if I lost someone on 9/11. My thought is YES. I lost nearly 3000 of my brothers and sisters. We are all God’s children. I believe that and therefore, yes, I lost MANY on that day. And that is why I remember. That is why I never forget.
